


Reintroducing the Wolf

by schemingreader



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-06
Updated: 2010-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-07 02:10:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schemingreader/pseuds/schemingreader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin has a new job teaching large animal biology at Hogwarts University in Wisconsin. His difficult but attractive former high school classmate Severus Snape already teaches history there. It takes their graduate students' clumsy machinations to bring them together. (Non-magical alternative universe.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reintroducing the Wolf

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dingochow](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Dingochow).



Cross-training days were never as pleasurable as actual running, no matter how hard Remus pushed himself. On his bicycle in the small midwestern town at 6AM, he could hear the buzz of the sodium vapor streetlights as they switched off in the increasing light of dawn. His hands were freezing; he should have worn gloves. He coasted past the Humanities building, where Severus Snape had his office.

Remus figured out from checking when he was online that Snape was awake late at night, and not early in the morning. It seemed there was no way he was going to casually run into him on campus.

His derailleur clicked and some hardy sparrows, unabashed by the Wisconsin December, chirped in the grass. The pinky early sunlight made everything look stark and beautiful. He'd see Snape this evening, and perhaps he would be willing to talk.

* * *

 

The first meeting of the working group for the Center for Gay and Lesbian Studies at Hogwarts University did not go well. Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood had both had high hopes for the project because they had such distinguished dissertation advisors, whose scholarly reputations could only enhance the possibilities for the Center's success.

"After all, they are nationally known in their fields, otherwise we wouldn't have come out here to nowhere, Wisconsin," Hermione said into her beer afterward.

 

"You could hardly have anticipated his level of animosity toward Dr. Lupin," Luna said. Her voice was, as always, gentle.

"Of course I could. Snape's always like that," Hermione snapped. She took a long pull on her beer. "A boilermaker, that's what I should have ordered. Did you ever do a depth-charger? You just drop the shot of whiskey right into the beer."

 

"Trying to get drunk?"

"How the hell was I supposed to know that he was going to insult one of the most respected animal behaviorists in the fucking country _because_ he's an animal behaviorist? That's just insane!" She slammed her drink back down on the table.

Luna laughed. "It was funny."

"Funny? Funny that he said that studying same-sex pair bonding in other species was insulting to people who study the history of same-sex human relationships? It was not funny!"

"Professor Lupin certainly laughed a great deal." Luna took a sip of her ginger ale, looking up over the rim of her glass.

 

Hermione frowned at the tabletop. "Professor Lupin is a very polite person."

"Yes."

"Kind. Optimistic about human nature. A lot of scientists are like that."

 

"Well, yes, he is." Luna smiled. " I don't know about other scientists. "

"Damn."

"What?" Luna, who was slightly taller and not hunched over her drink, was still smiling down onto Hermione's wild hair.

"A handsome, cultured, gay man, the right age, and Severus has to go insulting him. He'll never get laid."

"Is it really your job to fix up your dissertation advisor?"

"I know, it doesn't show healthy boundaries, but if that man doesn't get some soon, he's going to drive me crazy! He just takes all his frustration out on me, and I'm going to explode." She looked around for a waitress. "Can I get a bottle of tequila over here?"

"That's not necessary."

"What isn't, getting Severus laid, or the tequila?"

"Either," Luna fixed her with a straight look. Her eyes were light blue. Hermione had never thought blonds were her type, but she shivered in Luna's fiercely analytical gaze. There was evaluation in that look, and lust. Luna ran her thumb over Hermione's lower lip. Hermione shut her eyes and leaned her cheek into Luna's warm palm. "I think I might be able to help you get past the frustration," Luna said.

* * *

 

Remus Lupin was accustomed to keeping a close watch on shy wild creatures. He smiled to himself; most people wouldn't call Severus Snape _shy_. He did have a sharp tongue. If he didn't have such a deep, sultry voice to carry his insults, Remus might even have called him bitchy.

The very word bitch caused a small jolt of arousal. How he would love to hear Snape call himself Remus' _bitch_. There was something just so erotic about that. He knew he was getting to Snape, that Snape was completely thrown off by the way Remus didn't lose his temper. Or maybe Snape was goading him to see if Remus would lose control because Snape hoped he could find someone who would master him.

Two days after the Center for Gay and Lesbian Studies meeting, Remus saw Snape in a faculty club reception.

"Severus, good to see you again."

"Ah yes," Snape drawled. "It's the animal behaviorist. Do you know, until I met you again, Lupin, I thought that meant someone who behaved like an animal, rather than someone who studied animal behavior?"

 

"Fascinating, the misconceptions we have about each other's fields."

 

"Do you behave like an animal?"

"Only in bed."

Snape leaned away from him, his lips pulled up in a sneer. "Crude."

"Crude but effective, that's me. Can we please move on from your bias against animal behaviorists participating in Gay and Lesbian Studies?"

"No. If this were another interdisciplinary endeavor, do you think we'd want a macrobiologist? Do people in Jewish Studies or African American Studies ask you to find Jewish or African American animals? The very idea is morally repugnant."

Remus made a face. "There is an important place for animal behavior, especially the study of primates, in Women's Studies curricula, however. No one thinks studies of gender among primates are a way to suggest that women aren't human."

"He has a point, Severus," Minerva McGonagall said as she passed with a glass of scotch.

"The proper subject of Gay and Lesbian Studies is gay people, not gay animals," Snape said.

"Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and gender queer," recited Professor Flitwick.

"Oh dear, have we not been sufficiently inclusive?" Snape was scathing. "Good thing we're going to have the animals in there. Let's also make sure to include the study of gay vegetables and gay minerals."

He stalked out.

"Another one of his tantrums," McGonagall said. "Pay no attention."

"Will he come around eventually?"

"Oh no, Remus, he'll never come around. I hope you didn't expect anything as unrealistic as cooperation from Severus Snape." She sipped her drink. "You'll just have to figure out how to work around him, as you would in any case. Even if he didn't overtly oppose you, he would have been a thorn in your side."

"Shame, really," Remus said, looking after Snape.

 

"Do you find him attractive?" McGonagall's eyes narrowed like a purring cat's.

 

"Very." He took a bite of the piece of cauliflower he was holding.

"That's a new wrinkle. We've all wondered whether he'd be different if he were getting laid."

 

"So he's not in a relationship?" Remus was deliberately casual, but he could see she wasn't fooled.

 

She snorted. "Hardly. He goes through phases of extremely poor hygiene, in addition to his lovely personality. Perhaps that wouldn't bother you quite so much, having lived out in the field."

 

"Very amusing," he said to the older scientist. "He seems perfectly well-groomed now."

"Perhaps the excitement of having someone to antagonize has reminded him that he has a body."

"Do you think this is some sort of flirtation for him?" Remus crunched his cauliflower thoughtfully. "You know, in his own peculiar language?"

 

"You would do well to remember that he's a person, and your colleague, not another species of chimpanzee or dolphin."

Remus smiled. "You have a point. I often think my habit of mind is to consider everything people do as though it was a code to be broken, like animal behavior." He took a drink of his tomato juice. "At any rate, it's wolves now. I've got a grant to study dominance and sexual behavior in the wild. It's very exciting; there hasn't been much work done on the social organization of timber wolves."

"Very different from my branch of biology."

 

"Are you still working on cloning cats?"

 

"It was never anything so crude." Her smile was closed-lipped.

"You're the second one here to call me crude today," Remus said, waving a stalk of broccoli. "Rough crowd,"he said, but he was amused. They talked for an hour or so about their work and Minerva's experience of teaching interdisciplinary courses, and then Remus walked home.

 

The street lights in the little Wisconsin town cast puddles of light, but Remus couldn't help concentrating on the length of his own shadow, and where it merged into the dark.

He took a detour so he could walk down the street where he had learned Snape lived. He knew that Snape remembered him, as he remembered Snape, from high school. Snape had been a social misfit, the kid everyone picked on, but brilliant and in a certain way, beautiful. Not that Remus would have admitted he thought so to his friends. All of those guys: Sirius, who told Snape that the tracks on Remus' arms were from heroin when they were really from insulin, and then laughed about it; James, who thought everything was so damn ironic and refused to believe that Remus was gay when he finally came out; and little Peter, who turned out to be a tremendous narc.

 

He and Snape had seen each other at the Potters' funerals when they were all twenty-one, and sad, but it was a revelation. He finally understood, there in the cemetery, that Snape, too, was gay. Then everything made more sense: his social isolation, the way he startled when Remus put a hand on his arm, even his tendency toward depression. He remembered Snape going for weeks without washing his hair, his expression vague, his shoulders hunched over his book. How Remus' heart had gone out to him then.

 

Still, Remus had laughed, back in high school, when Snape had asked him if he was getting help for his drug addiction. Sirius was a cruel bastard sometimes, but he was funny.

 

Remus stood in the darkness outside the little house. Knowing about animals' same-sex behaviors did make a difference in queer theory, he thought. Dolphins in a wuzzle, bonobos using sex as a greeting, penguins and gulls forming pair bonds--even the relatively chaste grey wolves--they courted, they expressed something like affection, they had sex for pleasure. If only he'd known that--every species in the world had homosexuality--he would have known what to do, back when they were teenagers. He still wished he could take the teenaged Snape in his arms and tell him that it was all right, the most natural thing in the world, after all.

 

Snape appeared in profile against one of the curtained windows of his house, silhouetted by the light in his room. He opened the curtain and peered into the darkness, but Remus knew he couldn't be seen where he was standing. It was just second nature to him, now, to blend in and not to let the wild things know where he was, watching them.

 

* * *

 

Hermione woke with Luna's arms around her. Luna had her face pressed into Hermione's hair. Or perhaps that wasn't as romantic as it seemed, because there was a lot of Hermione's hair. It felt romantic though, and Hermione decided to enjoy it.

 

They were naked. Luna's body felt wonderful against hers: the soft warmth of her peachlike skin, the brush of the ends of her bright hair against Hermione's shoulder. She hadn't been with anyone for ages, not since her college girlfriend dumped her over the summer. Luna was so matter-of-fact about everything that Hermione doubted Luna would fall in love with her, but it felt so good to be warm against her silky breasts under a big quilt.

"I want you to come with me to Montana," Luna said. Her voice was a little raspy in the morning.

"What? Really?

"Yes, I'll be there for the entire month of January. I'm sure you have papers to finish, but you could at least come for a part of it."

"I do have a paper! My damned advisor couldn't be bothered to put the final seminar paper assignment into his course syllabus!"

"I know," Luna said. "You told me last night, several times."

"I've never taken an incomplete in my life!" Hermione's face was hot. "I'm sorry that I was boring you."

 

"I know," Luna said. "It's going to be a fun trip. We're bringing a group of undergraduates, so we're going to have a home base at one of the lodges, which is much nicer than we usually have doing research. Maybe I can get you an official position with the team."

"That sounds somewhat--unethical."

"Oh, if it's really unethical then Dr. Lupin won't let me do it," Luna said.

"It's kind of far. Are you going to drive?"

"No, I think we have a chartered bus to take the group. Really you should just come with us. You could work on your paper on the way down and email it to Dr. Snape when you get there."

"Oh, there's internet there?"

"It's at Yellowstone National Park. Our home base is in this really nice hotel, supposed to be a hunting lodge, but then we're going to do winter camping to observe the wolves. The wolves there were reintroduced from Canada in the mid-1990s, and so many of them have been monitored for years. You'll need gear, because it gets cold."

"You want me to camp out with you on a research trip after sleeping with me one time? Is this like, the joke about the lesbian second date and the moving van?"

Luna blushed a little, and shrugged. "I liked you before, when we were working on Center together."

"Oh."

Luna looked her in the eyes, and Hermione got that drunken feeling, that dizzy pleasure of staring into another person's eyes. "Because you think about people so well, you take care of them." Luna said. "I just like that you seemed like a friend right away. I'm sure it's really obvious, but when I was in high school I was kind of, I don't know, an outcast. Not because anyone knew I was a lesbian, I don't think. I was just kind of weird. I liked animal dissections in biology class when all the other girls said 'eww.' I dyed my eyebrows different colors. I wore unfashionable clothing--you've seen my vegetable earrings--creatively mismatched socks. Anyway, so, I didn't have many friends."

"See, I would have thought that you'd be popular because you're so very pretty--"

Luna kissed her, lips parted and smiling against her mouth. "See, you even think I'm pretty."

"Only in a conventional way, like a fashion model, but with nicer breasts," Hermione said, frowning. Luna laughed. "Seriously, Luna, don't people hit on you constantly?"

"No. Occasionally a man will ask me to have sex with him, but I find that kind of boring."

Luna got out of bed naked. "Do you have a roommate, or can I just walk to the bathroom like this?"

"No roommate."

Hermione watched Luna's tush as she walked down the hallway. So it would be cold in Yellowstone Park in January, and she might even have to sleep outside, something she hadn't liked since she was a Girl Scout. It would be worth it.  


* * *

Professor Snape's office was in the basement of the liberal arts building. It was a large one, lined with bookshelves. He had a real desk and two armchairs for students visiting him, not an ergonomic desk chair and a stacking classroom chair or some other utilitarian combination.

As always, he was wearing one of his many black turtlenecks and a scowl. "You're going where?"

"I'm going to Yellowstone National Park. I will be bringing my laptop and should be able to send the paper from there."

"Yellowstone?"

"I have a new, um, girlfriend. She studies animal behavior." Hermione knew her face was reddening under Snape's scrutiny.

He shook his head. "You're an adult, I suppose. Don't come crying to me if you get mauled by wolves."

"Mauled by wolves?"

"This isn't Dr. Lupin's research trip?"

"How did you know about that?"

He clicked his tongue in annoyance, and his eyebrows came down further toward his impressive nose.

"You can't afford to get sick in the semester before the oral examinations," he reminded her.

"I'm bringing those vitamin supplement drinks, and herbal tea."

"Those potions--all mumbo jumbo," Snape said. "Just try to get enough rest and stay warm."

Hermione smiled.

 

* * *

It was quite a long drive from Wisconsin to Montana. They passed through a lot of cities with silly names. This was the first time that Professor Lupin was bringing undergraduates to his research site, and he hadn't done much data collection during the winter. He kept checking in with everyone on the bus, to make sure that they all knew the safety rules, and had all packed sufficient gear.

Unlike many of their professors, he liked the younger students. He was a good egg. Hermione thought again what a shame it was that Severus seemed determined to alienate him by acting like a total asshole. She fantasized about their future home together, in one of the boxy little houses. They could have a wrap-around front porch and flowers. She sighed at her own ridiculousness. Severus was not a nice man, but he was a good person, and she wished he could have someone to make him happy.

She had meant to do more reading, but somehow Luna persuaded her to sleep cuddled up together at the back of the bus for a good chunk of the 900 miles of I90. None of the students seemed to mind. At first Hermione felt uncomfortable, but Luna was natural and open about everything. Hermione relaxed under the big blue quilted down jacket that Luna spread over them. It was like being under Luna's big down comforter.

They held hands, dozing, from Chamberlain, South Dakota, to just outside Rapid City. Hermione was happy.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't just propaganda. Montana did have a big sky, and it was beautiful. Even in the winter it was a clear blue. At night, they could see many more stars than at home in Wisconsin, even though Hogwarts was a fairly rural area. Here, the mountains looked close to the sky, in a way that Hermione had only seen on a trip to Greece in college. It was hard to imagine that Dr. Lupin usually did this alone, on snowshoes, instead of in a camp full of people with telemetry monitors. They usually didn't stay outdoors overnight, though their camp was equipped for that. She'd spent only one night with Luna out in the freezing cold, in the high-tech orange parkas, wool socks with polypropylene liners and thermal underwear, with the wolves howling at the moon in the middle distance. She had found it romantic.

The most amazing thing for Hermione about winter camping in Yellowstone with the wolf team, though, was that she was actually good at it. Professor Lupin wound up turning to her as often as he did to Luna or Neville, his other grad student. She was the one who'd remembered to pack a miniature toolkit, which came in handy when they had to repair the telemetry monitors that helped them figure out where the wolves were. She always had what they needed for their work in her backpack. She devised a new system for keeping the notes on wolf behaviors organized in the computer database, and remembered to charge the laptop battery.

"You're Dr. Snape's student?" Professor Lupin asked her during one of their days in the field. Hermione was puffing white clouds of steam through the mouth hole in her balaclava. It was challenging to get them over her hair; usually Luna braided it for her to get it to fit underneath.

"Yes, I came to Hogwarts to work with him."

 

"Lucky him," Lupin said.

 

"He's not really as difficult as he seems," Hermione said.

 

"Yes he is," Lupin said. "I knew him in high school." He had a wry, good-natured smile, and his eyes crinkled.

 

"But you're friends now," Hermione said, wishful and anxious.

 

"I'd like us to be," Lupin said. He adjusted his binoculars.

 

Two of the undergraduates were cooking dinner over a campfire. Hermione thought this pretentious--why didn't they just bring food from the lodge kitchen?--but she never said so. She was happy to be excused from food preparation. She didn't even keep food in her apartment, living on frozen burritos and light beer most of the time.

Luna came up and checked that Hermione was wearing her mittens. "Good," she said. "Come take a walk with me."

"Be careful," Lupin said, "It's getting dark, and it's easier to slip."

"It's a full moon, not very dark," Luna said. She wasn't afraid to be outdoors with the howling wolves, though of course they could have been coyotes; Hermione still couldn't tell the difference in the sound. "Come on, Hermione. I want to take some photos now, at dusk."

 

* * *

 

From: llovegood@gmail.com  
To: ssnape@hogwarts.edu  
Date: December 20, 2004 11:57 PM  
Subject: Hermione Granger requested that I email you

Dear Professor Snape,

I am writing you on Hermione's behalf. She begged me to ask you for an extension on her term paper for the seminar on sexuality and the church in the later middle ages. She broke her leg when we were out in the field. Dr. Lupin and I carried her back to the lodge on an impromptu stretcher, where we were met by an ambulance. Unfortunately none of us was aware of her allergy to the morphine derivatives that they gave her for pain relief. She is in intensive care.

Yours sincerely,

Luna Lovegood  
Large Animal Biology Program  
Hogwarts University

* * *

From: ssnape@hogwarts.edu  
To: rlupin@hogwarts.edu  
Date: December 21, 2004 6:00 AM  
Subject: Hermione Granger's injuries

Lupin,

My student Ms. Granger has no family, so I am coming to act in loco parentis. I will be arriving in the Bozeman Airport late this evening and will take whatever transportation is available--I will rent a car if necessary. Please call my cell phone to confirm receipt of this message.

Severus Snape  
Silverdoe Chair of Medieval Studies

Hogwarts University

 

* * *

"Hello, Severus?"

"Lupin. Hello. I'm en route to the airport right now. I'm taking the campus shuttle."

"It's not really necessary for you to--"

"I'll be the judge of what is and isn't necessary. My student is in the ICU."

"Actually she's been moved to a step-down unit."

"Is she conscious? Is she lucid? Is there anyone with her right now?"

"She's conscious. Luna is with her."

"While I see the value of soulful gazing and hand-holding as much as the next person--"

"Do you?"

Snape coughed angrily into the phone. "I want a responsible adult with that young woman, not some breathless chippie in her early 20s."

"Lovegood is hardly--"

"I don't think you should talk to me about this. You can't take care of students enough to keep them in one piece. You're dangerous."

"Severus--" Remus shook his head. "What's the story with her family, is she an orphan?"

"Her parents disowned her when she came out, in college. They told her that they planned to forget that they ever had a daughter.They live in Australia."

Remus was silent for a moment.

"The shuttle has arrived at the departure terminal, so I must hang up."

"I'm at the hospital now, in the lobby, where I can use the cell phone. I'm juggling supervising the other students with visiting Hermione and helping Luna manage. I can't meet you at the Billings airport--I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I have a map." Snape bit off the consonants.

"It's very cold here, make sure you have thermals and a hat."

He thought he heard Snape snort before he broke the connection.

* * *

 

Snape found Remus in the hospital cafeteria, sitting with a student, drinking instant hot chocolate to get his blood glucose level up to normal.

 

"Lupin," Snape said, moving his lips as little as possible.

 

"Severus, you made it," he said, rising and extending his hand to shake. Snape did not appear to notice that he had done so, but Remus clapped him on the shoulder in a friendly gesture, and Snape, his eyes wide, returned the handshake.

 

The student, an undergrad bio major, rose, thanked him, and said he'd better be heading back to the lodge.

"Good, you got coffee," Remus said. "Where'd you get that hat?"

"Airport," he said, sipping and making a face. "You said I needed one."

"I thought you must have a winter hat, having lived in Wisconsin. I didn't expect you to come in like Johnny Cash. The Man in Black. You've been up to see Hermione?"

"Yes, she was sleeping. How were you planning to transport her home?"

"Why?"

"She can't ride a bus with a broken leg."

"It's going to be damned uncomfortable for her no matter how she goes."

"I'll drive her back."

"The hell you will, cowboy." Remus flicked the brim of the black leather hat.

"Lupin, this isn't funny."

"Listen, we have liability insurance for things like this. A kid could get bitten or mauled studying wolves."

"Oh, now I'm completely reassured."

"We can fly her home if we have to, or rent another car. Luna wants to drive her back."

"Lovegood? Oh no."

"You realize, Mr. Loco Parentis, that you have no authority to say anything. Hermione is over 21. Graduate students are adults."

Snape's heavy eyebrows lowered under the brim of the black hat.

"Look," Remus said, "Why don't you offer to take her back, when she's awake."

"I also reserved a second ticket for the return flight."

"The Biology department can reimburse you. Where were you planning to spend the night?"

Snape looked blank.

"You just charged up here to save the kid, eh? You can stay at the lodge. I was just trying to figure out how I'd get back and still be able to leave my car for Luna to stay a little longer. I'll go with you." Snape still said nothing, but rose to go. He looked tired. "You all right?" Remus put his hand on Snape's arm.

 

"Fine," Snape said, freezing him with a look. He didn't move away, though.

They went to pay the cashier on the way out. She smiled at Remus; he'd been in the cafeteria before. People were really friendly out here. "Who's your friend, professor?" the cashier asked.

"He's another professor from the university, out here to visit the same student."

"Awww, that's nice," she said. She leaned forward, flirting a little, "What's up with the hat?"

"Don't tease him," Remus warned, only half joking. "He's sensitive."

"You intellectuals," she said, smiling broadly at Snape, who stared straight ahead. "Well, you have a nice day now."

They made their way out to the parking lot, which was starting to get slushy with the falling snow. "You look beat, Severus."

"I'm _fine_."

"I'm driving."

Remus brushed the snow off of the hood of the car. It was falling in fat flakes, because it wasn't that cold, yet; Wisconsin-style snow, not Montana-style. It would get colder.

Snape sat in the passenger seat, his gloved hands in his armpits.

"I wish you didn't dislike me so much," Remus said.

"Where did you get that idea?" Snape said, staring at the windshield. The wipers batted away the snow. Oh great, it looked like another mini-blizzard. At least none of the kids was out in the field--better not be, at this hour.

"I don't know," Remus said, "You had some kind of feud with my friends in high school."

"Yes, well."

"Also," Remus hesitated. "I thought you might be angry with me about that incident at the track meet in our junior year, when you saw me go into insulin shock. You probably saved my life when you got so upset, because if you hadn't, James wouldn't have called an ambulance. I let Sirius make fun of you for getting scared when we saw you in the hallway a week later. I was really an asshole."

"I got over that years ago. Years." Snape said it just loudly enough for Remus to understand that he was trying to convince himself. "I just don't think what you do is a legitimate part of gay and lesbian studies. I don't have anything against you."

"You don't, eh. That's good, because we're probably going to have to share a room at the lodge."

"But--Hermione's room must be free--" His face was flushed.

"Hermione and Luna were sharing with an undergraduate girl. We only have a small block of rooms--they're surprisingly full right now."

Snape looked grim. "Fine."

 

"Do you want to stop for a drink before we go back?"

"No. You don't drink, do you?"

"No, I can't," Remus said.

"Because with your diabetes--"

Remus nodded. "Theoretically I can drink if I'm careful, but it's not worth it to me." Snape's face was completely screwed into a scowl now, his eyes on the dashboard. "I remember now that you didn't drink in high school, on principle."

Snape beat his fingers on the dashboard. "There's alcoholism in my family."

Remus didn't say anything.

"Well, you know I'm gay, you might as well know that too." Snape sounded angry.

"Severus, why would I care about that? I'm gay too."

"Right." He said it like he didn't believe Remus; probably the legacy of the joke about the insulin injections being heroin. Why had Remus just stood there laughing like an idiot, instead of stopping them?

 

He regretted it all over again, sitting in the car with Snape electric with undirected anger, leaning away from him against the car door.

"Did you seriously think I was straight, writing about same-sex sexual behavior in animals?"

"You might be. You might just be reporting what you saw. Isn't that how science is supposed to be?" Snape was accusing.

Remus shrugged. Snape muttered, "You were always like that."

"Like what?"

"Liberal and decent." He made it sound like a curse. The snow fluttered in front of the headlights. It was dark now, and the tires crunched into the snow so that Remus thought it had gotten colder.

"I was always gay, too. We're nearly there." Snape didn't quite grunt in response. "It does sometimes seem like things that were terrible in high school aren't as big a deal now that we're adults." Remus said carefully. "Like being gay, or diabetic."

 

"Fine," Snape snarled. They pulled into the parking lot of the lodge; a plow was just going through and clearing the heavy wet stuff. Remus' boots squeaked through the new snow. Snape grabbed his arm to keep from falling, and then steadied himself.

 

"Let's have something to eat," Remus said. "I have meal vouchers for the main dining room, so we won't be surrounded by students."

 

"I like students," Snape said, frowning again.

 

Remus laughed. They stomped the snow off their boots and went into the men's room. Remus washed his hands and checked his blood sugar level. Snape, who had finished using the urinal, was watching him in the mirror. Remus pulled up his shirt and gave himself a shot of insulin in the belly.

 

"Do you still run?" Snape asked.

 

"Yes, and usually I don't need to be quite this careful about blood sugar, but I'm glad you saw me do it, so you can see I've grown up about it since we knew each other."

 

"I'm not afraid, Lupin." Snape scowled. He washed his own hands carefully and dried them. "You're an adult, and a scientist."

 

"You were scared when we were in high school, that time."

"Just because your friends were too stupid to know that diabetes is dangerous--" He walked out ahead of Remus into the lobby.

Remus put his hand on Severus' arm. "Thank you for caring about what happened to me. I was an asshole for laughing when Sirius teased you about it."

"All right." Snape looked at Remus' fingers on his arm. "But such a thing would never happen today because you are--"

"There's always a risk, when a person's body doesn't make insulin, that he will become ill." Snape didn't move. "But I do practice tight control of my blood glucose levels, now."

Snape nodded, his eyes still on Remus'. "Are you hungry?" Snape said in a near whisper.

"You have no idea."

Their dinner was fancy. It was one of the perks of taking the undergraduates, that they were staying in a swanky hotel where rich people came to hunt and fish in the winter. They were seated in a quiet corner of the dining room, which was muted by a thick red carpet and heavy velvet drapes. Through the window, Remus could see the glow of the mountains as the snow fell on them. Everything was quiet, even the clinking of the glasses and silverware. Snape held his knife and fork in the European style, and Remus asked him about it.

 

"I did much of my research for my first book on notarial records kept at the University of Siena."

 

"How long did you live there?"

"About a year. I had a fellowship."

"I was hoping to hear you talk about Italy."

"Why?" His eyes were so dark that Remus thought they could look through him. "Did you want to hear me say things in Italian?"

"Yes."

"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate."

"What does that mean?"

"It's from Dante's Inferno. Oh my God, don't look so impressed--it's 'abandon hope--.'"

"'...all ye who enter here.'" Remus smiled involuntarily. "I was just hoping for place names, and names of foods."

"Roma. Firenze. Linguine al forno. Pasta e fagiole."

Remus laughed.

"Were you hoping for something more suggestive than that?" Snape took a bite of his trout and chewed, his eyes still on Remus' face.

"Of course." Remus didn't break his gaze. Snape put down his fork, and swallowed.

"What did you have in mind?"

Remus cleared his throat, "Caro bello moro," he said. "i vostri occhi bei lo asserviscono."

Snape laughed, and the low vibrant sound went right to Remus' groin.

"What?" Remus said, and Snape laughed more.

"Was that meant to be seductive?"

"You can't blame a guy for trying," Remus said, grinning foolishly. "Wait, well, maybe _you_ can."

"Siete pazzeschi, uomo bello del lupo," Snape said softly. "è io che deve essere il vostro schiavo."

Remus breathed through his nose. "Oh," he said.

"You didn't understand a word of that, did you?"

"No." It was hard not to stare at Snape when he smiled like that. "You look so--wicked."

"Is that good?"

Remus nodded slowly. "I don't get to see you smile much."

"You don't try to seduce me very often."

"That could change."

Snape drank from his water glass, looking over the rim at Remus. "So I should turn you down, then. That way you'll keep trying to tell me things in broken Italian."

"You never know, I might take up skywriting."

Snape snorted. "In Italian?"

"That depends," Remus said slowly. Snape raised his eyebrows. Remus leaned forward, "It depends on whether I can find anyone to spell 'Severus Snape has a nice ass' in Italian."

This time Snape choked a little on his laughter.

"You have a beautiful laugh," Remus said.

"You were putting me on," Snape said.

"No. About the skywriting, maybe. I don't want anyone else checking out your ass."

He rested his knee against Snape's under the tablecloth.

"If you're doing this just to tease me, I'll kill you," Snape said.

"Oh no," Remus said. "No no. Let's leave this dining room before I do something that could get us lynched in this conservative town."

He caught the waiter's eye and asked for the check.

"I thought you were going to put it on the expense account," Snape said as Remus signed the credit card receipt.

"I was, until--" he shrugged. He wasn't going to put what was turning into a date on the department's expense account.

Snape smirked.

* * *

They had to walk through the lobby to get up to Remus' room, and they stopped to speak to several students. The undergraduates were all concerned about Hermione and how she was doing. He introduced Snape and told them that he was there to help his graduate student.

Finally they got into the elevator, alone. Between the floors, he grabbed Snape and kissed him. Snape's body went rigid for a moment, and then he melted against Remus--and then stiffened again when they heard the elevator bell chime. Snape sprang away from Remus, his face blank.

No one was there.

They walked down the hallway. Remus wasn't on the same floor with the undergraduates. He needed to have some respite from them, though he often found himself spending his evenings with the students. Not tonight.

He opened the door with his key card, and they stumbled into the room. Snape stood looking at him. Remus moved to him and pulled him close again, kissing and biting along his jaw. Snape leaned to expose his throat, and Remus licked the thin skin there, tantalized.

Snape kicked off his loafers, and then stood still and let Remus undress him. His leather jacket smelled of aftershave. His black sweater was soft--maybe cashmere. Under it he was wearing black thermal underwear in a silky material. Remus undid his belt, and his black jeans slid to the floor. He was wearing the same underwear on his legs. Remus stroked him through the fabric. He could feel the hard gluteal muscle through the smooth of the silk.

Snape exhaled through his nose. His eyes were wide, but he said nothing.

Remus gently pushed him onto the bed, and pulled Snape's undershirt from his longjohns to expose his navel. He began to nuzzle the skin of Snape's belly. He nuzzled, kissed and licked what he exposed by slowly pushing up the shirt. He pulled it over Snape's head.

Then he began to work down the silky long underwear, pushing it slowly over Snape's ass, which he cupped in his hands. "Oh man," he said, "you have a beautiful ass." Snape turned over onto his stomach and Remus began to bite his butt cheeks, listening to his breathing. He pulled the underwear all the way down his legs and looked at Snape's nude body.

Snape said nothing. He was shivering.

"Are you cold?" Remus asked. "I can turn up the thermostat." He got up and did it, and then pulled back the covers on the bed and bundled Snape under them. Then he took off his shoes and climbed in. Snape lay there.

"Is this okay?" Remus asked.

"Yes." Snape looked at the ceiling. Remus pulled him close, and Snape melted into him again. That was what he had to call it; Snape went from rigid to pliable. He was still shaking a little in Remus' embrace, just a nearly imperceptible shudder.

"I want you," Remus told him. "Do you want me too?"

He could feel Snape's cheek flush against his own face. "Yes."

"Good," he said, and kissed the hot cheek. "Was I going too fast for you?"

Snape didn't answer.

"I won't stop making love to you if you tell me to slow down," Remus said. "I'll just go slower. I really want you."

Snape lifted his face, eyes shut, and Remus kissed his mouth. Snape sighed, and relaxed. "I'm not very good in bed, Remus."

"You're very good in this bed."

Snape snorted. "So decent and _nice_."

"Put yourself in my hands," Remus said. "I can tell you what to do."

Snape nodded slowly.

"Take off my clothes," Remus told him. Snape responded to what Remus asked immediately. Still hunched under the covers, he unbuttoned Remus' flannel shirt, working the buttons open nimbly, and then undid his belt. He pulled up the waffle-weave thermal that Remus was wearing against his skin, and pulled it over his head. He unzipped Remus' jeans and pulled them down, and then his underwear. He took off Remus' socks. It was all so slow and his skin felt the ghosts of Snape's fingers where he wished the long hands were warming him.

"You can touch me, Severus," Remus said thickly, and then gasped because Snape chose first to kiss his feet. He ran his mouth along the instep of the left foot, then the right. He was under the blankets, and Remus couldn't see him, couldn't expect him to put his hot, wet mouth around Remus' big toe.

It was like having a mouth on his cock. He thrilled and arched and suppressed a groan.

Then Snape was licking his way up the insides of Remus' thighs; he knelt, the covers slipping off his head, looking at Remus.

"Suck my cock," Remus told him. If Snape wanted to be submissive, Remus could be dominant. He could do what Snape wanted.

Snape bent to suck him. He licked Remus' balls with a thoroughness that had Remus wanting to claw the sheets, but he stayed as still as he could. He put his hand on Snape's head and guided him, gently, so that his cock, rigid and leaking, was right at Snape's lips.

Snape swallowed him whole, to the root, suddenly, so that Remus couldn't breathe from the pleasure of it. When he could think again, Remus had to look at him. He pushed the covers off. Snape's head bobbed slowly, his black eyes on Remus.

"Beautiful," Remus said, caressing the side of his face. "Turn so that I can suck you too." Snape looked dismayed; he released Remus' cock and moved slowly so that they were lying side by side, head to foot. "Your big beautiful cock," he said quietly, and it jerked a little in response, "you gorgeous thing, I'm going to eat you and make you come." He put his mouth on Severus' cock and felt his the vibrations around his own cock as Snape groaned. Every lick of Remus' tongue was translated into a jerking motion of Snape's legs, a grunt around his own cock that he felt in the pit of his stomach, or somewhere in the core of his body.

He held those firm buttocks in his two hands, spreading, teasing. He released Snape's cock and teased his perineum and his ass with a wet tongue, so that Snape couldn't help but to thrust his cock along Remus' breastbone. Then he seized that beautiful schlong, tipped his head back, and let Snape thrust down his throat as he sucked Remus.

Remus' cock was buried in wet heat and he was ready to come but he wanted to taste Snape, feel him at the back of his throat. He groaned, and the vibrations triggered Snape's orgasm; he came, salty, bitter, delicious, in Remus' mouth.

Gasping, Snape released Remus' cock to the air, where it went off like a firecracker, pulsing hot in Snape's face.

Remus rolled onto his back, catching his breath, and then noticed that Snape had Remus' come in his hair. "Oh God, that's sexy," he panted. "Oh Severus, that was wonderful." He scrambled around so that he could take Snape into his arms again, wiping come off his face with the sheet.

Snape was embarrassed, looking down and away from him. Remus kissed his forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks as he wiped away the semen. Finally they kissed again, and Snape's arms came around him too.

"Thank you," Snape said. He sounded sleepy.

They dozed for a few hours, and then Remus' cell phone alarm went off at 11PM, to remind him to eat. Snape slept through it.

* * *

 

It was still dark when there was a knock at the door, and Remus startled awake. He realized that Severus Snape was spooned around him, and that was why the bed was warm even though he wasn't wearing pajamas.

"Professor Lupin?" It was Neville Longbottom, talking through the hotel room door.

Snape sat up groggily.

"Is everything all right, Neville?" Remus stood up and pulled on a bathrobe. He opened the door a crack; Neville was standing in the hallway, looking apologetic.

"We're supposed to take the undergrads over to the work site," he said, "but with this kind of snow, I didn't want to do it without your permission."

"Thanks, Neville," Remus said. "I'm running a little late this morning."

"Oh, no, that's fine; I know you've been going back and forth to the hospital."

"How bad is the snow?"

"They're predicting six to eight inches, and the visibility is poor."

"Yeah, okay, you're going to tabulate data with the undergrads here in the lodge today," Remus said. "I'll have to check in with  
the front desk about driving to Billings to see Hermione. One of her professors flew in to see her and help her get home."

"Wow," Neville said. "That's so nice!"

Remus could feel his mouth curling up. "Yes, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry I haven't been to see her," Neville said, "We've really missed her. She's great with the kids, you know."

Remus forbore to mention to Neville that Neville himself was only 22, the same age as some of the undergrads on the trip. So were Hermione and Luna. They were all so young.

"You can let them sleep in until seven," he said. "I'm going to do my run on the treadmill this morning."

Neville smiled. "All right."

He shut the door. Snape was up and blinking. "What time is it?" he asked, his voice gravelly.

"A little after five," Remus said. Snape grimaced. He got out of bed, covering his crotch with his hand, and went into the bathroom.

He came out wearing a towel. "Um, thought I'd have a shower," he said.

"You can come with me to the gym first, if you like," Remus said.

"That's not really my--I've been meaning to start exercising regularly, but it's five AM and--"

"Go ahead, Severus. You can even go back to bed if you like."

Snape squinted at him for a minute, and then, without removing the towel, got back into the bed and pulled the covers up.

Remus found some shorts that he'd brought for working out indoors, and a t-shirt with a cartoon of the two male chinstrap penguins that had pair-bonded at the Central Park Zoo. He ate a high-protein energy bar, put on his running shoes, and headed over to the workout room.

The same nice old retired doctor he'd spoken with the last time, the one who'd come for winter fishing, was on the second treadmill.

"Good morning, professor!" the old guy said cheerfully. "How're the wolves this morning?"

"Haven't seen them yet, Dr. D.," Remus said. "You aren't going out in this, are you?" He got up on the treadmill and started to warm up with a walk.

"No, it looks like a Scrabble day." He huffed a little into his white beard. "Maybe you could join us," he said, blue eyes twinkling. "I  
heard one of your colleagues came up to see that poor girl who broke her leg."

"News travels fast!" Remus began a slow jog and gradually picked up the pace. "How did you hear about that?"

"I know everything that goes on around here."

Remus sincerely hoped not.

He began to run in the rhythm that helped his mind turn off. The television overhead was showing images of snow in the park. Then a Christian talk show came on.

"I don't like this one," the doctor said. "Seven hundred clubs or something, like they're going to beat you with them. I don't like their attitude. Okay if we watch cartoons?"

"Fine with me," Remus said. The roadrunner chased and was chased by Wile E. Coyote. The coyote had a big nose and scowling black eyebrows.

"Beep beep!" Remus thought. He laughed out loud.

"These old ones are the funniest," Dr. Dumbledore said.

 

* * *

Remus had a good run, eight miles on the treadmill, and decided to check his blood sugar when he got back to the room. Snape was sleeping, but when Remus opened the fridge to get an orange juice, he stirred a little at the fridge hum and opened his eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"What?" Snape sat up in bed. "You idiot."

"Want to join me in the shower?"

Snape sucked on his lower lip. "Yes."

Remus sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm sweaty," he warned before he leaned down to kiss Snape, who gave him passionate tongue with a small yet audible moan. Remus broke the kiss. "Do you like sweaty?"

Snape licked his neck. Remus shivered all over.

"I'll take that as a yes," Remus said.

Snape was still naked under the covers. Remus pulled them back and saw that the towel he was wearing around his waist was tented.

"Wait," Snape said. "You're drinking orange juice. Why are you drinking orange juice? Does that mean you have low blood sugar?"

 

"I'm okay. In fact I'm more than okay, I just had a great run, and I have a beautiful man with a hard-on in my bed."

Snape snorted. "Don't tease me."

"Who's teasing? If you come into the shower with me, I'll prove I'm not teasing." He got up and took off his shirt and shorts, the mesh inside the running shorts snagging on his erection. Smiling and naked, he stood in front of Snape, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to look at the floor. "You like it when I boss you around a little, right?"

Snape's face was red. He nodded. "In bed," he said, with a little sharpness to it. "I like it in bed. I'm not interested in surrendering for my spiritual good or something like that. I don't need someone to order me around."

"In bed then. How about in the shower?"

"In the shower, too," Snape said, smirking at the floor. "But not all the time. It's just--a sexual thing. A hangup."

"I get it." He grasped Snape's chin and tilted his face so he could look him in the eyes. "I like it, Severus. I want to take care of you. It's not a hang-up. It's a feature."

Snape slid off the bed and knelt at his feet. His head came up to Remus' waist, and he nuzzled Remus' hard cock, sniffing his scrotum. He rubbed his face against Remus' body, inhaling.

Remus pulled his hair, so that his head was tilted up, and teased Snape's upturned face with his cock, rubbing it against his lightly-stubbled cheeks. Snape threw his head back further and looked at him through slitted eyes.

"Stand up and walk ahead of me into the bathroom, so that I can see your ass." Snape stood up and walked the few feet to the bathroom. Remus followed him, slowly. "Turn on the water." After a minute, the steam was rising, and Remus told Snape to get into the shower. "Soap me up." Snape took the wrapper off the hotel soap and began to lather it in his hands. He lathered Remus' back and buttocks, his long hands making circles on Remus' back. Then he washed Remus' chest and armpits, his balls, the insides of his thighs, his calves. He got down on all fours to wash Remus' feet.

He was using his tongue again, inserting it between the toes, and again it made Remus' cock jerk against his belly. He could see Snape's body, his pale olive skin sallow, his ass round and muscular, as he knelt to Remus, presenting himself.

"Severus. God, look at your ass. I want to fuck you."

Snape looked up into his face, the water flowing down in rivulets through his black hair. He didn't say anything.

"Not in the shower," Remus decided, "because I want to take my time, and I don't want to run out of hot water. Stand up, I want to soap you."

Snape pushed up on the sides of the tub and stood. His eyes were wide, like a child's. He leaned back into the hands that lathered his hair, and shut his eyes when Remus rinsed it. Remus lathered his hands and rubbed Snape's chest, running the palms of his hands over his nipples.

"Turn around and put your hands against the wall," Remus told him. He did. "Stick your ass out. I'm not going to fuck you now."

He spread Snape's cheeks and let the water fall there, and then he knelt and began to lick. He ran his tongue between the cheeks until he got to the hole, and then began licking, sticking his tongue into the soft skin. Snape gasped but didn't speak.

He held Snape's buttocks open and let the water flow and said, "Do you like this?"

"Yes." Snape had his face averted.

"Does it make you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes," Snape admitted. "Yes, I want you to fuck me."

"I'm going to lick you more, and I want you to tell me. I want you to beg me."

Snape groaned and stuck his ass out, and Remus spread him and licked. "Remus," Snape said. "Oh, God, I want--oh. Oh! Please."

Snape couldn't keep it up; the sharp tongue was reduced to inarticulate babble. Remus slid a finger into the relaxing hole, and began to work it in and out. Snape was thrusting helplessly against the tile wall, repeating, "Remus, God, Remus," and groaning.

Remus rose to his feet, and turned off the water. He took a towel and began to dry Snape, one leg at a time up to the buttock, running his hands on the insides of Snape's legs. He dried everything, taking a long time on Snape's beautiful erection. They stepped out of the tub.

"I'm going to hang a Do Not Disturb sign," he said. "You go kneel on all fours on the bed and wait for me."

He put a towel around his own waist and rubbed his hair dry, humming, as he hung the sign on the doorknob facing the hallway.

When he came out of the vestibule, there was Snape on the bed, his ass in the air, his head down. "Jesus," Remus sighed, the blood slamming back into his cock. There were condoms and lube in the nightstand. Remus went to get them, Snape's eyes following him.

"No, I haven't been fucking anyone else," Remus said. "I know you wouldn't ask, but I'm telling you. I bring condoms with me because--" he shrugged. "I'm just used to being prepared."

Snape nodded. Remus parted his cheeks and began to spread him open with the lube. Snape panted under him. "Please," he said.

Remus pulled the condom on, holding the tip, and slicked it with lube, positioning himself. He pushed in slowly, sinking into Snape's body, listening to the low grunt. Wolves did this, showed their submission to the alpha male by letting him fuck them. Remus didn't usually get excited thinking about it, but he did now. He was a rutting wolf, with another large, dangerous beast under him.  
He pushed in further, then rested inside Snape's body. "Oh you feel good, you feel so good," Remus said. "I've wanted you for so long."  
He began to pump his hips, slowing pushing into the tight grip of Snape's ass.

Snape rocked back against him, squeezing him. They moved together. "Touch yourself, Severus." Snape began to make encouraging noises. "Are you going to come for me? Come. Come."

"Yes. Yes."

"So beautiful," Remus said, looking at the wings of his back, the lean muscular shoulder. He leaned forward to kiss the long neck where it was exposed, and then began to thrust his hips faster. "Tell me when you're going to come so I can fuck you hard."

"Now," he said, shoving backward against Remus, "I'm going to come now." Remus pushed into him faster, harder, and Snape cried out and fell forward onto the bed, and then Remus was there, too, pounding into him as he shuddered.

When Remus came down from the high of his orgasm, he was lying on Snape's back, pressed against him, and he knew that he had to pull out while he was still hard. If only he could stay this close: face in Severus' black hair, chest against the wings of his shoulder blades, cock inside his body, feeling his breath.

He held the condom on and carefully withdrew, and then got up and went to remove the condom over the wastebasket.

Snape turned over and pulled the covers over himself. "What time is it?" he asked.

"It's 7:45. Did you hear me talking with Neville before? We're snowed in."

"Who's Neville?"

"Grad student. I'm afraid it might be challenging to drive into Billings." Snape's mouth turned down so that he was nearly pouting.  
"It will be all right. We can call the hospital and speak to Luna if you are worried, and maybe to Hermione too; she seemed to be awake more yesterday."

Snape nodded. Remus sat on the edge of the bed. "Can I hold you?"

"Yes. You--you don't have to ask my permission."

"I know I said I'd take charge, but this isn't sex."

"Since we're both naked in a bed, let's call it sex," Snape said. He laid his head on Remus' shoulder and kind of hunkered down into the embrace. Remus put his arms around him. His clean hair was damp and smelled of the hotel's lemon shampoo.

"Snarky cuddling," Remus said to himself. "That's remarkable."

"Ah yes, so many entertaining ways to compensate for sexual dysfunction."

Remus laughed and nuzzled him. Dysfunction! "You're still a little insecure, even though you've done so many impressive things since we were in school together."

Snape froze. Then he snorted with laughter. "You think so!" He was still laughing as they got dressed to go down to breakfast together.

* * *

Remus checked his blood sugar and used insulin before he ate. He didn't want to screw things up now when he felt so good. It was hard to suppress a shit-eating grin. He hoped the students couldn't tell.

Hell, he hoped _Snape_ couldn't tell. He was afraid that if Snape knew how much Remus liked him, he'd be spooked.

He didn't seem spooked, just quiet. They sat in the main dining room in the lodge, surrounded by rich tourists and students from the program. Remus had his usual breakfast, hardboiled egg, All-Bran with skim milk and grapefruit. Today it tasted delicious. He watched Snape drink black coffee and try to eat a flaccid, underbaked bagel.

"Stop smiling at me," Snape said through his teeth. "You look like an idiot."

That did not help Remus at all; he cracked up. "God, you are so damn grumpy. I love you," he said.

Whoops.

Snape went from looking like a man who had just gotten laid to looking like a cobra threatening to strike; he reared back and went still, his expression astonished and venomous. Did he think Remus was teasing him? Remus put a hand out to him, "Severus--" and at that moment Neville Longbottom, bless his heart, blundered over to them.

"I have some good news for you, Professor," Neville said, smiling. "Oh, this must be Hermione's advisor. I'm very glad to meet you, Neville Longbottom."

"Severus Snape," Snape said from under his eyebrows, and shook Neville's proffered hand.

"I checked the net about driving to Billings, and it looks like the storm is blowing the other way," Neville said. "There will be some snow, but it's not bad."

"Neville's from Minnesota," Remus said, "We should probably check out what he means by 'snow that's not bad.'"

"Always teasing," Neville said, smiling wider. Snape looked at Remus with murder in his eyes.

"I know how to drive in the snow," Snape said.

"A-all right," Neville said.

"It's not like driving in upstate New York, where we're from," Remus cautioned. "The altitude--"

"I'll be fine." He folded his arms across his chest.

"Oh, I'm coming with you," Remus said. "I have to get my car, and someone needs to persuade Luna to sleep, and bring her the rest of her things."

"Are you sure that's all right?" Neville asked, "Because I could go with Professor Snape and get your car, if you want."

He looked immeasurably relieved that Remus did not take him up on this. It was more courage than Remus would have imputed to such a shy kid, to agree to spend three and a half hours in a car in the snow with Snape when he looked like this.

Remus thought he had at least three and a half hours of apologizing to do, once he let Snape's snit burn itself out. That is, once he figured out exactly what he had done wrong. He smiled and sighed to himself.

 

* * *

As it turned out, Remus didn't apologize in the car.

The first hour and a half of driving were tense. Even though Snape had as much experience as Remus did driving in the snow, he gripped the steering wheel tightly, his long frame hunched over the dashboard. He didn't want to listen to music, and he didn't want to talk. Not that he said as much, just grunted assent to everything Remus said, and finally told him that he needed to concentrate on the road.

After the one highway rest stop, Remus took over the wheel. Snape insisted that he could read just fine in a moving car, thank you, and he spent the rest of the drive marking up a manuscript he was reviewing. From his muttering, Remus feared that the other historian whose work Snape was reviewing had reason to dislike Remus very much.

Finally they got to the hospital. Remus tested his sugar and had a container of soy milk and some almonds before they went inside. Snape waited patiently for this. It was the first time in hours that he didn't seem angry.

As soon as they got on the ward, though, the angry energy crackled off of him in waves. They got to Hermione's room and she was sitting up in bed, her leg propped on pillows. Snape was rigid with fury.

"Dr. Snape!" Hermione said. "Luna told me that you'd come! I can't believe it."

"Someone has to --" he choked. "Your parents--"

Hermione began to cry. Snape stood there, clenching his hands, until Remus nudged him over toward the bed. Snape took Hermione's hand as if to shake it, and she pulled him down into a stiff and awkward hug. "I'm sorry I made you worry," she said.

"There has to be someone to worry about you," he said. His lip trembled a little.

Luna looked at Remus and smiled. "I just managed to persuade my own father that he didn't have to come get us," she said.

"Yes, it's kind of amazing," Hermione said, smiling through her tears, "how many people want to be my dad now."

"I don't want to be your--" Snape sputtered.

"You're just a good and responsible _doktor-vater_," Hermione said.

"That's right," Snape said, as though challenging them all to assert otherwise.

"Well, now that they've sorted out the stupidity with the morphine allergy," Hermione said, "I'll probably be here another week, learning to use the crutches. I got out of bed for the first time about an hour ago."

"That's great!" Remus said. "How are you dealing with the pain?"

"There are other pain killers that aren't related to morphine," Luna said. "We also found a pain doctor who was better at calibrating dosage. Some of the problems Hermione had breathing were because the dosage was too high."

Snape still looked angry and like he might cry. Hermione patted his hand. "I'm all right. You didn't have to come all this way just to say I told you so."

"At least you didn't catch a cold."

"Right!"

"I can take you back to Hogwarts."

"I think I'm going back with Luna, Professor," Hermione said. "She's going to move in with me."

"Well, I suppose then that I--that you don't need me here after all. Maybe I'll--I can go to the airport."

Remus' heart sank, and he felt a little sick. They weren't ever going to talk about it, and Severus was going to go back to Hogwarts angry with him.

"I think you should stay here with Remus," Luna Lovegood announced. She took a deep breath. "If you don't learn what we do in our research, how can you evaluate whether it's a legitimate part of queer studies?"

Hermione gave her a look that communicated "What are you doing?" as clearly as if she had said it out loud. "I--need a hand getting to the bathroom, Luna."

"Oh yeah, sorry, professors, I'm going to have to shut the curtain around her bed."

The two men stepped out into the hallway.

"What was that?" Remus said.

"That was you being so unsubtle that our students--"

Remus put a finger over Snape's lips. Snape stilled. The touch took the fight out of him. Remus took a breath. "I'm sorry, Severus. I mean, for blurting out my feelings too soon. I didn't mean to put you under any pressure."

Snape didn't take his eyes off Remus' face. "That's--all right." He swallowed.

"I would really like it if you would stay and see the observation station."

"I don't want--" Snape searched his face, as though he could find a clue to Remus' trustworthiness by looking into his eyes. Then he nodded. "All right. I don't like the thought of you driving back three and a half hours with no one in the car."

"Luna is coming back with us, I think."

She stuck her head into the hallway, "Um, sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop, Remus, but I'm not."

"Luna, what about--"

She shook her head. "You don't have to pay me for the end of the winter term--" she said.

"Oh, please," Remus said. "You worked all but the last week, and put in so much time in preparation. You made all the arrangements."

"All right, but you can pro-rate--"

"If Hermione had been one of the undergrads and you had done this for her, I would have paid you for it. It's not as though we pay so well."

They went back into the hospital room. Hermione was grey with exhaustion. They said hasty goodbyes, and Luna hugged Remus hard.

"We have to stop and eat before we go," Remus said.

"Of course."

In the men's room, he pricked his finger and checked his sugar, and injected some insulin. They went through the cafeteria line. Snape seemed to be relaxing again. Remus took macaroni and cheese and salad and Snape got a hamburger. They sat down and Snape opened the sandwich and took out the meat, cut it up into pieces, and then moved them around on his plate.

"It's not a bad idea to eat, Severus," Remus said.

"Not hungry."

Remus looked at him. "Okay. I have to eat all the time; I forget what it's like to just blow it off."

Snape looked, if this were possible, even more sulky. Remus ate his food and thought about Snape in the shower.

"Well, hey there!" The nice red-headed cashier who had tried to flirt with Remus every time he'd been in the cafeteria came over to their table. She sat down with a cup of coffee. "Hello, professors!"

Snape bared his teeth at her in a non-smile.

"Hi there, um, Molly," Remus said. "We're just having a bite before we go back to Yellowstone."

"I brought you some cookies," she said. They were wrapped in cellophane and tied with red and green ribbon. "I made 'em. You know, to give to the regulars." She smiled.

"Thanks," he said.

"Merry Christmas," she said, and kissed them each on the cheek as she got up.

"You're blushing," Snape said.

"They look good. You can eat some in the car," Remus said.

* * *

The storm had let up by the time they were driving back, which was fortunate, because they would have been driving right into it if it hadn't. Remus took the wheel and popped in a Grateful Dead CD.

"Go ahead and eat those cookies if you're still hungry," Remus said.

"Not fair to you, though."

"Yeah, I guess," he said. "I eat all the time."

Snape didn't say anything for awhile. "It's reassuring," he said finally. "I find your self-control reassuring."

Remus put a hand on his for a second and then put them both on the wheel, since that was, after all, Snape's point. Wasn't it?

Snape read the manuscript for a few miles, the trees on the side of the road darkening as the sun climbed down the sky. Remus thought about the places in their home town where he had listened to this music--on his Walkman while he was running, on the edge of the woods next to the school.

He kept thinking about Snape, on the steps of the school's back entrance, the one by the track, sitting and reading. He had always worn a heavy-metal t-shirt over a thermal shirt, and torn jeans, and his hair in a ponytail. He had never acted interested in the runners or the other athletes, just seemed to be looking for a in a quiet place in the sun. Sirius and James had thought Snape was a loser, but even then, Remus had  
thought he was kind of cool. He had never seemed to care what other people thought or did, just read in his sunny spot, like a big cat.

"You're smiling again," Snape said.

"I like you."

"What? Why do you say this shit?"

"Why does it piss you off? Is it that you don't believe me, or that you think I'm pressuring you? You know me. At least I think you do."

Snape nodded a little, tenting his fingers. "It's difficult to explain," he said. "It's like an academic problem that I face all the time--what relevance does the past have to the present? Can we actually understand people's present attitudes from their past experiences?"

"You don't like me because I was an asshole in high school," Remus said.

"That is a bad guess on so many counts that I can't even enumerate--" Snape's face was all red. "I do like you and you weren't an asshole in high school."

"You do?"

"For shit's sake, Lupin, we fucked this morning. I wouldn't do that if I didn't like you."

"Oh. Some people do, you know."

"Oh my God--" Snape was leaning against the door again, his head resting on the window. "No, I don't do that. How can you take such a huge risk?"

Remus shrugged. The highway unspooled in front of him. Snape cleared his throat.

"When we were in high school," Snape said, "I knew I was gay. I thought you were straight, like everyone else, but you were--I found you attractive. I used to watch you run." He moved the dashboard heating vents up and down a little. "I'm not explaining the right thing. I have to go back too far and tell too much."

"I'll tell you what I always liked about you," Remus said. "I liked the way you were always so sarcastic."

"That's a little juvenile of you, isn't it?"

"I was a juvenile then. I don't know what my excuse is, now."

Snape reached out and touched Remus' shoulder. It was the first time Remus could remember him doing something like that.

"And you're smart, Severus, and tough."

"Tough." He exhaled through his nostrils, and then his voice got dangerously quiet. "My father was an alcoholic and my mother had untreated bipolar disorder, and I was a little weirdo who liked boys. Yes, I was tough." Snape turned away from Remus for a moment. When he finally spoke, though, his voice was steady. "I do doubt that you could care for me. It also scared me that you were practically coming out of the closet in fucking _Montana_."

"That wasn't coming out! Straight guys say that kind of stuff all the time!" Remus put on a surfer dude voice. "I love you, man!"

Snape laughed, that amazing deep laugh.

"I really do," Remus said softly. "I know some of this is also about how I manage my illness. If I don't have good self-control, how can you be sure I'll stay healthy? Because you saw me get really sick that time when we were kids, when I passed out."

Snape acknowledged this with an angry glare. "You're very conscientious now."

"Let me tell you how my attitude changed since high school," Remus said. "In college, I came out, and I had my first boyfriend. I went to see my diabetologist at home on the winter break, and he read me the riot act. He didn't know I was gay, but he thought, pretty reasonably, that I might be sexually active. He told me that if I didn't keep my blood sugar normal, I could lose the ability to have an erection by the time I was in my 40s. I just wouldn't have good enough circulation."

"Not to mention your feet."

Remus laughed. "I didn't even think of my feet back then! In fact, Severus, I was a toe virgin until last night."

"Well, no wonder you love me."

"Yes, no wonder." He knew that Snape could see his idiotic smile, but he didn't care.

* * *

They got in around 8PM. Remus had snacked in the car but needed to eat a little before bed, so he ordered room service sandwiches.

"Will you come with me to the field tomorrow?"

"Isn't it going to be too cold?"

"I think I have gear in your size." Remus rummaged around in the closet in his hotel room for a parka.

"It's orange."

"We're not sneaking up on the wolves, we observe them from a good distance, Severus, so it doesn't matter." Snape glared at him. "You wanted black?"

"How do you do this observation, anyway?"

Remus stood up from the box that he'd been prospecting for gear. "I participated with other biologists in putting collars on these wolves when they were reintroduced to the park," he said. "The collars have transmitters, and we track the wolves with telemetry. They are all numbered."

"So why do you have to go into the field?"

"We also observe the wolves visually. Some of my work is on the role of sexual behavior in pack social organization, and that's where I've made my reputation, such as it is. But there's a crying need for general observation as well, so we sometimes watch them hunt and eat, or sleep, or play with their pups."

"A crying need?"

He shrugged. "I mean, this is a very interesting, endangered species. In a way, all scientific work on wolf behavior has an aspect of advocacy--especially here in Montana, where ranchers and other locals have been afraid of their reintroduction, and have even killed newly reintroduced wolves."

"Is this why Luna Lovegood thinks there is some--analogy--with studying gay men and lesbians?" Snape said this without sneering.

"No, I think that many of my students are excited by how much more we can learn about animals if we don't call same-sex sexual behavior 'unnatural' or pretend it doesn't happen."

"So it has the effect of presenting a fuller picture of the field, which is true of gay history as well."

"You seem significantly more willing to listen," Remus said. He crossed the room and grasped Snape's upper arms, and kissed him.

"Your methods of persuasion are excellent," Snape said. His eyes were heavy-lidded.

"I'm not willing to use them on just anyone."

"That's good to know." They leaned in until their foreheads touched.

There was a knock at the door; it was room service. They broke apart, Snape moving out of sight of the door. His fear of discovery was not unreasonable, but it left Remus sad.

They ate and fell into companionable silence. Though there were two double beds in the room, they got into one of them together. Without speaking, Remus put his arms around Snape and stroked his hair.

This was real. They were cuddling with their pajamas on, without even kissing, and Snape wasn't even saying anything--well, he did _look_ a bit sarcastic about it, but then he shut his eyes, and fell asleep. Remus breathed in the air of that happiness until he couldn't stay awake anymore.

* * *

Remus got up at 5AM as usual and did some push-ups and sit-ups. Snape finally woke, and Remus talked over their morning with him. Well, at him; Snape was blinking a lot and not very responsive.

"Neville usually makes coffee," Remus said. "You're not a morning person, are you?"

Snape squinted and made a sour face. He cleared his throat. "No."

Remus did not laugh, but it was touch and go there for a minute. "We have a campsite by the nature station where the elk feed, and in the winter, the wolves come there to hunt the elk. Our spot overlooks where they run around, so we can use high-powered lenses to photograph and observe them. We drive out there with a few undergrads, and camp, and observe, and take telemetry recordings."

"Ah."

"Neville's going to take the kids, and you can drive with me again. We can have coffee in the car, but I need to eat something before we go." Remus pulled up his shirt and injected some insulin into his belly.

Snape watched, nodded and got out of bed. Remus could hear his ablutions, especially the repeated splashing of water. Remus opened the blinds to look out of the sliding glass doors at the view of the park. It was cold and clear, the only clouds high and white. The sky looked painted blue again, and the mountains, impossibly close and looming.

Snape emerged, wiping his face, and quickly put on the warm clothes that Remus had found for him the night before. Remus ate a bowl of All-Bran, a hard boiled egg, and some sections of grapefruit. Snape's curled upper lip made him look nauseated.

"I'm taking sandwiches and gorp and stuff, because I have to, so there will be food, if you can't eat right now. It's important to eat enough because we're going to be hiking around."

Snape drank a glass of water. He pulled his hair into an elastic band. Standing in front of the sliding glass doors of the hotel room, he squared his shoulders.

"Come on, we need to be there at dawn because that's when they're there."

Snape was silent on the drive from the still-snowy parking lot to where they had to hike in to camp. He was fit enough not to breathe hard on the hike up. Remus heard something and put out a hand.

There were distant howls.

When they got to the site, Remus ran to put on the telemetry headphones. He used the binoculars to locate the pack in the valley below. At first, he could see only one black wolf. He handed the binoculars to Snape, who gave a small gasp of surprise. "So big!"

Remus laughed. "Yeah, a lot bigger than dogs or coyotes." He was sighting them through his camera lens.

More wolves joined the first. Snape stood watching without moving for twenty minutes as the wolves made their way through the clearing. They stopped and hunted and sniffed, interacting with each other.

One of the males mounted another, and Remus got a photo.

"Is this fighting serious?"

"Well, they won't harm each other. It's for dominance, and so is the fucking."

"What?"

"He's mounting the beta male."

Snape's eyebrows went up and his mouth fell open. "They're having sex?"

"Yes, sure, they do that a lot."

"Animals just have sex like that, when it's not mating season? They aren't fighting now?"

"Yes, that's part of the reason for my work--animals have sex for more reasons than just reproduction. This is part of establishing dominance, though they also have sex for other reasons."

"I can't believe I didn't understand that." Snape was shaking his head.

"Here, have some gorp."

He gave Snape a plastic bag. Snape took some of the snack, but didn't stop looking. "They move so gracefully even though they're so large. They're beautiful animals."

Remus squeezed his shoulders. "I wanted you to see so you could understand."

"I don't understand, not really." He put down the binoculars and looked at Remus. Remus put the camera down for a minute. "Are we alone up here?"

"We have privacy."

"I think you do like me," Snape said.

"I think you're right."

"And, I think I would have to be crazy to keep pushing you away."

"Severus--"

"And I'm not as crazy as you might think."

"I know."

They watched the wolves chasing into a herd of elk, their huge jaws, the teeth visible even at this distance, threatening to rip the elk hide. It was cold up on the butte--the wind howled around them--but Snape was absorbed in watching. Wisps of black hair that had escaped his ponytail whipped into the fur of his anorak hood. The wolves moved together below them in the snow, hunting and running.

"They have a kind of joy just in having bodies," Snape said, "just in being alive in the face of difficulty. Graceful." As they watched through their high-powered lenses, glittering clouds of dusty snow sparkled in the air between the running wolves. Snape slid his gloved hand into Remus' gloved hand, and they clasped and were warm.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I wrote for Snupin Santa 2007. My beta-readers were Rexluscus, Scrtkpr, Timetiger, and Stasia, and I had a special Montana-beta from Kodiakmac--yes, I know that probably the hotel in Yellowstone Park is in Wyoming, not Montana, but allow me poetic license and don't blame Kodiakmac. Dingochow's request was for: A "story set in the author's choice of AU, magic or non magic, the wilder the better, where the alpha wolf is stalking and courting his tall dark and snarky, but secretly submissive, prey. Humor, adventure, romance, with the setting a big part of the story. Other HP characters a bonus-- as many as possible. I'd kinda like to see Hermione in this for some reason. R or NC-17 rating."


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